The Token Economy

THE TOKEN CHARTS

As many of my friends know, I have been struggling with my oldest son's behavior.  He's a really good kid, but he's a lot like me in that he has his own ideas and struggles with authority.  (Stop laughing Mom!) Not the easiest kid to get to behave.  This last month we have had the biggest struggles.  When Sam is angry, I will usually send him to his room.  That is if I can get him to his room.  He's honestly getting too big for me to control in a physical manner. And he flat out will refuse to go to his room.  When I do get him there by squeezing his little neck, he destroys whatever he can get his little hands on.  His favorite is to strip his bed sheets and blankets.  And I refuse to re-make his bed for him.  So then the struggle starts all over again with him flipping out because I won't help him.  Sam has also recently discovered the power of words.  He will scream at the top of his lungs that he hates me.  Not a high moment in mothering.  Then of course after two hours of being calm and collected, I lose it with him, because he is ruining every one's life.  I refuse to let my children control our household.  Another interesting thing that was occurring was that when Andy was struggling with Sam, I would get upset with Andy and protective of Sam.  Not healthy for my marriage. No parent needs the other parent questioning them.  

So what should I do?  Well, I began with opening up to a friend in my potluck playgroup.  Jennifer is a mom to a beautiful five year old girl, Keely, and she is also expecting.  She suggested "the token economy".  Have you heard of it?  It's a positive reinforcement method of training your children to behave.  It offers tokens for good behavior and chores, and rewards those behaviors with privileges.  I t also requires the kids paying me tokens for misbehavior.  Andy and I decided what will earn tokens, and what behaviors will lose tokens.  We also decided what the privileges would be.  When I explained the new system to the boys, their faces lit up.  They were so happy to be encouraged to behave, rather than yelled at for not behaving.  We are committed to this new system.  I know we will see great results.  Another thing I love about this way of parenting, is that when a child accomplishes a skill, you can cross it off the list, and add a new skill to work on.  Magic!